Start by identifying what you received, what it asks you to do and where any date comes from. Your spouse's lawyer represents your spouse, not you. A message from that lawyer may include a position, a proposed agreement or formal court papers; read the message and attachments separately before choosing the next step.
This guide helps you turn an email, letter or packet into a short worksheet for court self-help or your own legal consultation. It does not decide whether to agree, how to respond in your case or what a particular communication legally accomplishes.
What can you expect from your spouse's lawyer?
The lawyer can communicate your spouse's position, negotiate and explain their own view of proposed terms. That does not make the lawyer your adviser. California's rule for communicating with an unrepresented person distinguishes explaining a client's position from giving legal advice where the lawyer knows or reasonably should know the interests conflict. State Bar of California: current rule 4.3 and comment 2.
Identify the sender and whom they say they represent. If the role is unclear, note the question rather than assuming the lawyer is neutral or has agreed to help you. For advice about your interests or a proposed commitment, seek your own lawyer's assessment. California Courts: hiring a lawyer.
Is this a message, court request, proposed agreement or order?
One email can contain several kinds of material. Classify each attachment, not just the subject line.
| What you received | First check | Guide for the next task |
|---|---|---|
| An email or letter from the lawyer | What exactly is requested? Which attached paper or earlier record is referenced? Who supplied the reply date? | Use the worksheet below to identify the ask, its source and unresolved questions. |
| A divorce Petition and Summons | Are these the papers starting the case, and do you have the complete packet? | Read the initial divorce-papers guide. The divorce Petition response uses FL-120. |
| An FL-300 Request for Order | Find the hearing, requested issues and any orders made before the hearing; read the attachments. | Use the received-FL-300 guide. FL-320 responds to the requested issues. |
| Proposed agreement or signature document | Which version is this? What would you be agreeing to, and what questions remain? | Prepare the review questions below and consider your own lawyer's advice before committing. |
| An existing court order | Read the court record, its attachments and any later related order. What passage needs explanation? | Use the court-order guide to organize that question. |
FL-120 and FL-320 have different jobs. If both initial papers and a hearing request arrived, identify both tasks. An explanation in the covering email does not replace reading the attached request or order. California Courts: divorce forms; understand an FL-300.
How should you record the ask and timing?
Keep the complete message, attachments and any relevant earlier version. Record the exact action requested: provide a record, answer a question, agree to terms, sign a document or address court papers.
Put each date beside its source. “The lawyer requested a reply by [date]” and “The notice lists a hearing on [date]” describe different things. If the source or significance of a date is unclear, make that a specific question for help. This worksheet does not determine service, calculate a court deadline or establish that a schedule changed.
What should you understand before agreeing?
Identify the proposed terms and what they would require you to do, pay, accept or give up. Compare the document with the discussion you understood, including any later revisions. California Courts recommends reading an agreement carefully and seeking a lawyer's review when its meaning or your interests are uncertain. California Courts: writing and reviewing a divorce agreement.
Questions worth taking to your own lawyer include:
- Does this wording match the proposal I understood?
- What would indicating acceptance, signing or taking the proposed action mean in these circumstances?
- Does this address one issue or affect other requests, obligations or existing orders?
- What information is missing before I can assess it?
Keep the proposed document, any agreement reached and the court's order as distinguishable records. The court has a process for making an agreement an order; that does not answer every question about the effect of earlier communications or commitments. California Courts: make an agreement a court order.
Make a communication-to-decision sheet
Copy these fields into your own notes for each message or packet. Keep private case details in your records. This is an organizer, not wording to sign or send as a legal response.
| Field | Your notes |
|---|---|
| Sender and role | [Name, date and whom the sender says they represent; unclear role if needed] |
| Material received | [Message, complete attachment titles, form numbers and version dates] |
| Exact ask | [Requested action and the passage that states it] |
| Dates and sources | [Each date, who supplied it and the paper or message containing it] |
| Relevant order | [Order/date/passage, later related order, or Not located] |
| Decision to understand | [What I am being asked to agree to or do, without assuming its legal effect] |
| Records and gaps | [Relevant source, conflicting information, missing attachment or unclear wording] |
| Next help or action | [Specific question, who will handle it and what remains my responsibility] |
For a consultation, bring the complete connected papers and prioritize the question behind the decision. The legal-help preparation guide can help assemble that fuller record. California Courts: hiring a lawyer.
Example: an email with two separate tasks
Fictional example — not a real case or a recommended response: An email forwards an FL-300 packet and separately asks the recipient to agree to proposed payment terms. Use placeholders rather than assuming amounts, deadlines or an outcome.
| Sheet entry | What to check |
|---|---|
| [Attached FL-300 and its hearing information] | Is the packet complete, and what response procedure and timing apply? |
| [Proposed payment wording and version] | What commitment is requested, and what questions need independent advice? |
| [Requested email reply date] | Who supplied that date, and how does it relate to the other task, if at all? |
The example separates a hearing-response task from a proposed commitment. It does not establish valid service, decide the effect of an email or show that accepting or refusing terms is the right choice.
Where can you get focused help?
Court self-help can explain forms and procedure. It cannot choose a strategy or represent you, and conversations are not protected by attorney-client privilege. Local services vary. California Courts: court-based self-help.
A lawyer may be able to advise on a defined issue or review a document while you handle other work. Ask whether a limited-scope engagement fits the situation and what it includes. California Courts: limited-scope representation.
If cost is blocking that conversation, use the affordability guide. For a possible financial-need request for money to hire your own lawyer, use the attorney-fee request guide. If the other party is asking you to pay fees, use the fee-response section. Those are separate directions, not a promise of eligibility or available representation.
Questions to take with you
Bring the sheet and ask: “I received [material] from [sender/role]. It asks me to [action], and the dates come from [sources]. I need help understanding [specific procedure, wording or possible commitment]. What additional record do you need, and what could your help cover?”
If the papers set a Request for Order hearing, use the hearing-preparation worksheet to connect the requested decision, your position and supporting records. Personal notes do not replace a response that must be filed and served.
When a message disputes a fact, use the evidence-organization sheet to connect the statement to complete records, conflicting material and questions for advice.
Official sources
- State Bar of California: Current rule 4.3 and comment 2
- California Courts: Hiring a lawyer
- California Courts: Divorce forms
- California Courts: Understand an FL-300
- California Courts: Writing and reviewing a divorce agreement
- California Courts: Make an agreement a court order
- California Courts: Court-based self-help services
- California Courts: Limited-scope representation
By CourtAhead · Sources checked October 14, 2026 with AI-assisted research and drafting. No attorney review. CourtAhead provides legal information, not legal advice, and is not a law firm. This guide cannot determine a communication's legal effect or the correct response in your case. Editorial standards.